Dating and the Single Dog
A lot of people, even those with
service dogs, don't often realize some of the challenges of dating
in the Internet age with a service dog in tow. If you ever find
yourself in the same situation, maybe some of my thoughts on the
subject will help you find your own answers.
I've been on only one date since Glindy became my service dog, and
that was with someone who already knew that my furry companion came
as part of the package. However, most of the people I'm likely to
meet in future are essentially going to be blind dates or
introductions from a dating service, which creates a unique
challenge.
The question of disclosure is a complicated one, especially when
dealing with blind dates. If, when, and how much are all questions
that need to be answered, and I am admittedly in uncharted
territory.
For example, I signed up yesterday with a local introduction
service. Glindy came along with me, of course, dressed in her
service vest and "in training" leash sleeve. The interviewer asked
me if I was training her, and some questions about how one learned
to be a dog trainer. She did not, however, ask me if I was
disabled.
Setting aside whether or not asking the question would have been
unethical or illegal, I always tell the truth when asked, but
rarely volunteer that sort of private information. I'm not
convinced that I have an ethical obligation to correct people's
assumptions about me, especially in situations where the response
is likely to be prejudicial.
I certainly think I'd need to answer any questions a date might
have about Glindy honestly, but having a dating service restrict my
pool of potential dates before they've even met me seems like a bad
idea. If they allow it to color their judgment, they're likely to
either set me up on fewer dates, or scare people away by warning
them ahead of time that I've got some horrible disability.
As it is, I expect them to tell people that I'm training a service
dog (a true statement) so that my dates can be aware of the fact
that a dog will accompany me, just in case they're allergic or
phobic. There's no sense in going out to dinner with someone who
can't stay for the whole meal because Glindy is with us.
The reality, of course, is that I can't keep my disability a secret
forever, nor would it be ethical to do so. On the other hand, I
will not wear my disability on my sleeve—just on my waist,
where I'm belted to my service dog. Both my future dates and the
dating service will all eventually get the full story, but only as
they get to know me as a person instead of as a file number.
Other people might make other choices. For me, however, the goal is
balance: I need to maintain my personal integrity by doing the
right thing, while still controlling the flow of disclosure.
Hopefully, I'll get the balance right; if not, it's never too late
to revisit the issue.